If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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