just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
