I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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