Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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