if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
