Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
