dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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