those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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