he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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