i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
pop tarts are not kleenex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
