i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
