my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
