i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
