birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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