Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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