i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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