please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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