hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
