Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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