If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
