He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
