I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
