thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
