i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?