I can't watch pbs sober anymore
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.