I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
