i can't believe i had my finger in that
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this just has baby written all over it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
