Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize