Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
