if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
