I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
