I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
