i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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