just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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