Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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