Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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