hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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