Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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