Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
