Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't turn off my feet"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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