I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just pee around me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
