I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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