I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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