I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize