As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize