with your own penis?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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