He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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