Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
