guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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