Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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