Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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