I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
