Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
