he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
