Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
