she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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