This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
