would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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