a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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