weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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