i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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