im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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